Life... so many questions we can ask from this word. Why am
I here in this world? What is the purpose of my existence? Why am I like this?
Is life for real? What am I supposed to do? How can I become rich? Why am I
poor? Why my life sucks? Why is there such thing as life? When will be the end
of life? Who will going to take care of me? Who will gonna love me for the rest
of my life? Who is responsible for my life? To whom I'll be going to surrender
my life? Why do I have life?
These questions are few but varies with different answers.
In our world today, many people ask so much about life. Rich, poor, victims,
gangsters, professionals, lovers, families, you, and even me. I have lots of
questions about life. I seek for an answers about these questions and until now I'm still searching. Funny to think that maybe, the next time I ask question
about life is, "Where can I find the answers about life?"
I came across with these questions because I have
experiences that tells so much about life. As I grow up in this world as a
blank slate creature, I ddn't know exactly the detail what is life when I was a
baby. We all know that from the time our mother brought us here in the earth,
we are as innocent as a caterpillar but from the time I got my wings and became
a butterfly, it seems like I'm flying without directions. There are many paths
to walk through but its quite confusing because there are many factors that
pushes me downward. Then I ddn't see the light anymore, and the wild mountains
full of flowers blooming around that needs butterlfy to help them bloom as wild
as the sun. Then the life of the butterfly became miserable, from the time she
had to walk through the ground.
I am like the butterfly that instead of flying I walk
through the dark path with wings shuttered. I started the path with full of
sadness and devastation. The years of my life when I was a teenager is a messy
one. I ddn't know how to gain friendships and companionships along with my high
school year classmates. It started when I committed a mortal sin of stealing
someones' belongings. I did that because nobody guided me. My parents were busy
looking for goods to fullfill our needs but that wasn't enough. Instead of
guiding their little butterfly, they turned out to be the inactive and
unsupportive parents they are to me. Despite the fact that they weren't able to
fullfill their responsibilities to me, I'm still thankful to them because of my
life. Because of that terrible sin, it ruined my education. I stopped that path
and walk again to another path.
The next path that I'm walking in, is the path with many
thorns. The first path is a rocky one and this one is more painful. What makes
this path thorny was that, it has full of hindrances and challenges that I
never encountered for the rest of my life. I felt the pain of the thorns when
I'm far away from my family and celebrated my 18th birthday alone. I worked
hard just to earn for a living and crushed out my freedom as a lady to foresee
the beauty of the world that a woman would have to experience. I felt the
sadness as I stare the city of capital region up in the big tank of water
reservoir gazing above the sky with full of stars. There, with full of tears, I
ask the question, "why my life sucks?". Well I gues I am just too
young to be able to know the answer to that question. The question remains
The lady butterfly walked again another path. This path has
many poker faces. I started to seek every faces I came across with this
journey. I think of something that would make me happy and that is to look for
a person who could give me real happiness or shall we say "love".
This time, they are plenty, plenty to search and able to mingle with me as long
as I'm preferrable with them. Too much of them makes me feel like I am the goddess
of beauty. The superiority comes in and the beautiful butterfly turned out to
be ugliest butterfly in the garden. It's purity losen and many wants to savor
the nectar of its essence. I didn't notice that I am far behind from my
collegue and that I lose the run of my education. I became wild and miserably
free. I walked tiny and narrow paths, I walked paths with burning flame. I
walked on somebody's path which I am not fit in to it. I ruined somebody's life
and I don't know where am I. These raised me a questions, "why am I like
this?, what am I going to do?, where am
I? and who I am? the questions remained unanswered.